I’ve been prescribed a new antipsychotic which like most antipsychotics I’ve been told is likely to cause weight gain.I’m supposed to be ok with that side effect as long as the medication helps but I’m not.I refuse to gain weight .I used to be overweight and through hard work I’ve lost some weight and I’m not willing to go back to where I was. I’m making a resolution that I’m gonna be so carefull with my diet that not only will I not gain any weight but I’m gonna lose weight as well.
I’m starting my new diet today and I’m gonna tell you if it’s working so if any of you are on antipsychotics you’ll know if it’s worth the try.
bye for now
So my best friend has depression.She’s been depressed for a really long time but had been hiding it and just told me about it.It’s been really frustrating cause I know there’s nothing I can do to help her and I hate trusting the profesionals do their job. I guess now that I think about it ,it must have been pretty obvious but I’ve been so caught up in my own stuff that I missed all the signs.She’s getting help now and is on antidepressants but they’re taking time to work.
So until they start working she’s decided to help herself and go on vacation .And she did so all by herself.I think it take a lot of guts to go on vacation alone .I miss her already but she needs to do whatever she feels is best for her .I’m pretty much all alone right now and I don’t know when she’s coming back either but I have to get used to it.
I wonder if the whole experience is gonna change her somehow and in what way.I’ve come to believe that change is for the best sometimes so I think this change might be for the best as well.She’s the type of person that doesn’t believe in change ,so she would say that she’s gonna go through this and then go back to normal without changing but I know this can’t happen.
I know that a lot of people don’t get better but I think she will ,it’s just gonna take some time and she needs to be patient and I need to be patient too cause I don’t know how long it’s gonna be before I see her again.
I’ve been trying to make some new friends at work but instead I ended up making enemies.For some reason people there don’t seem to like me very much and everytime I try to start conversations with them they treat me like I’m stupid .I almost believed it too but thank God I have a great friend that told me there’s nothing wrong with me.
They’ve been making fun of me a lot for being slow ,which I guess I am but as long as I get the job done I don’t see the problem.
I wish it was easier for me to do small talk ,maybe then it wouldn’t seem to them that we’re so different but for some reason when I have to talk to them I can’t come up with any words so they just assume I’m stupid.
Emotionaly I’m doing fine finaly but it would be nice if they didn’t have to make it so difficult for me to be fine.
My fathers teeth are rotting out of his skull.For some reason I’m more concerned about it than he is.It drives me crazy.I get fixated on problems like this and can’t stop thinking about them.I wish I could give it a rest but I know my fathers teeth are gonna be keeping me up at night.
After all this time I finaly realize that by hurting me I hurt people in my life that love me.I don’t have that many people in my life but I feel I’ve been very selfish.My mother that now knows about me being suicidal is afraid to leave alone at the house.I’ve made her very sad and I feel bad about it.I understand now that I don’t only have to take care of myself for me but for the people important to me as well.
I haven’t written anything in a while but I have something exciting .I went on vacation for three days on an island called Poros with my best friend.My friend wanted to take me at some kind of secret place she found as a kid.To get there you had to go through a very narrow path full of trees ,so we went through it the first time but when we tried to leave there was a snake blocking our path.We had to climb some rocks in the sea to get to the other side cause we couldn’t risk it biting us.It felt like we were in a movie.
So I finaly went with my mother to the psychiatrist and although she doesn’t know everything she knows that I’m suicidal.I think she took it pretty well.I still don’t see why this had to happen, it was supposed to be for the best but I feel worse .I feel I have to pretend even more now so she won’t be worried.
She even cried on the phone and said she only has me and wants me to tell her everything that’s on my mind.I didn’t cry and I didn’t know how to react to all this emotion.It’s very awkward around the house too ,she’s been treating me differently ever since she found out what’s been going on and she’s been asking me a lot if I feel strong.
I’m terribly sorry I made my mother cry but I guess it would have been worse if I were dead.I wish we can move passed this as soon as possible.
I still don’t get how people feel relieved when they share stuff like this with their family, if anything, now I feel burdened to act happy even when I’m at home .